An Australian, a Frenchman and an Italian are talking about married life. Italian: When I finish making love to my wife, I cover her head to toe in wine, then lick it off, and my wife, she goes wild. Frenchman: When I finish making love to my wife, I cover her head to toe in chocolate, then lick it off, and my wife, she goes wild. Aussie: When I finish making love to my wife, I get out of bed and wipe my dick on the curtains, and my wife...she goes wild!
What you do best! - This suave-looking Redneck, (ok, just pretend there is one) walks into a bar and sees a cute little rich girl who's had too much to drink. He says to her, "Hey, baby...whataya say we go back to your place and get it on! Lost in her drink, she replies - "Sure, why not!" They get to her place, and she lies on the bed and says, "Ok, show me what you do best!". Without delay, the Redneck rips off his jacket, - grabs her T.V., VCR, and purse and runs out the door!
Elephants Jokes 4 Kids Galore - -How do you get down from an elephant? You don't. You get down from a duck. -Why did the elephant paint himself all different colors? So he could hide in the crayon box. -Why do elephants have wrinkles? Because they are so hard to iron. -Why did the elephant put skates on before he went to bed? Because he wanted to get rolling in the morning. -Why can't an elephant ride a tricycle? Because it doesn't have a thumb to ring the bell. -Why do elephants wear sunglasses? So no one will recognize them. -Why are elephants such poor dancers? Because they have two left feet. -What time is it when an elephant sits on a fence? Time to get a new fence. -Why can't elephants go swimming at the beach? Because they can't keep their trunks up.
Halloween funnies for kids! - Q. Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry? A. They're afraid of flying off the handle! Q. Where do baby ghosts go during the day? A. Dayscare centers. Q. Who did Frankenstein take to the prom? A. His ghoul friend. Q. What do ghosts serve for dessert? A. I Scream. Q. What do witches put on their hair? A. Scare spray. Q. What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost? A. Bamboo. Q. What kind of mistakes do spooks make? A. Boo boos. Q. Why couldn't Dracula's wife get to sleep? A. Because of his coffin. Q. Why do mummies make excellent spies? A. They're good at keeping things under wraps. Q. Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party? A. Because everyone was a goblin! Q. How did the ghost patch his sheet? A. With a pumpkin patch. Q. What is as sharp as a vampires fang? A. His other fang.
Pierced ears for pirates - How much do pirates pay to get their ears pierced? A Buccaneer!
Why did the boy... - Why did the boy take a ladder to school? It was a high school.
Why did the fish blush? - Why did the fish Blush? Because it saw the ocean's bottom.
Why did the... - Q. Why did the male sheep fall off the cliff? A. He didn't see the Ewe turn!
Why is 6 scared of 7 ? - Why is 6 scared of 7 ? Because 7 ate nine!