Dog Named Mypenis - Tired of boring old dog name like Ruff, Spot, Lassie, etc? The next time you get a dog, name it: Mypenis Why, you ask? Well just look at some of the great excuses you can use for school, work, and general conversation! -I did do my homework but Mypenis ate it! -Oh no, Mypenis is frothing at the mouth! -Sorry I'm late. I was playing with Mypenis. -I'm sorry officer, I didn't realize I had to keep Mypenis on a leash. -Mypenis doesn't come when I call it. -Mypenis likes to crawl between the legs of guests. -If Mypenis begs at the dinner table, I just tell it to LAY DOWN! -I love giving Mypenis a bath, but Mypenis doesn't like cold water. -At night, I like to snuggle with Mypenis. -Mypenis likes it when people pet him. -Mypenis needs to get more exercise. He weighs over fifty pounds! -Playing with Mypenis really wears me out. -Would you like to see a picture of Mypenis? -Sometimes I wake up, and Mypenis is already active. -I think Mypenis has a mind of its own. -I keep a picture of Mypenis in my wallet. -Whenever I get lost, Mypenis points me in the right direction. -I think Mypenis is getting old because he won't get excited anymore. He just plays dead. -Mypenis got out last night. I think he's sleeping with the lady next door. -HELP! Mypenis is lost...can you help me find him? -Sorry to be driving slow officer, but I was looking for Mypenis. -Sorry to be driving so fast, officer. I have to take Mypenis to the hospital. -Mypenis got fleas from the neighbors dog. -Anytime Mypenis gets too excited, I just scratch him behind the head. -Please do not feed Mypenis table scraps! -Do you think you could feed Mypenis while I'm on vacation? -I have a cat that plays very well with Mypenis. -When I take Mypenis for a ride in the car, I roll down the window so it can hang it's head out.
Elephant Jokes Eight - Q: Why do elephants have trunks? A: Because they would look silly with glove compartments. Q: What do you do when you come across an elephant? A: Wipe it off! Q: Have you heard about Hannibal crossing the Alps with elephants? A: None of the offspring survived. Q: How does the male elephant find the female elephant when she's lying down in tall grass? A: VERY attractive. Q: How do you know when an elephant has been screwing in you're yard? A: The flower beds are crushed and you are missing a garbage bag! Q: What did the elephant say when he saw a dead ant on the road? A: Deadant! Deadant! Deadant!!! (to be sung). Q: What did he say when he saw a live ant on the road? A: He stamped it to death and then said "Deadant! Deadant! Deadant!!!". Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a grape? A: Cosine (Theta) Note: Assumes |elephant| |grape| 1 Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a mountain climber? A: Zero - a mountain climber is a scaler. Q: What do you give a seasick elephant? A: Lots of room. Q: What's grey and comes in quarts? A: An elephant. Q: What do you do if an elephant comes through your window? A: Swim for your life!! Q: Why do elephants lay on their backs? A: To trip low flying canaries. Q: Why did the elephant have a yellow spot on his ass? A: He wasn't laying on his back. Q: Why do elephants have Big Ears? A: Because Noddy won't pay the ransom. (Noddy is children's storybook character) Q: Why don't you go into the jungle between 3 and 4 am? A: Because the elephants are jumping from the trees. Q: Why are pygmies so short? A: Because the go into the jungle between 3 and 4 am. Q: Whats that red stuff between elephants toes? A: Slow pygmies.
Elephant Riddles Seven - Q: What do you know when you see three elephants walking down the street wearing pink sweatshirts? A: They're all on the same team. Q: How do you know if there's an elephant in bed with you? A: She has a big 'E' on her pajama jacket pocket. Q: Why won't they allow elephants in public swimming pools? A: Because they might let down their trunks. Q. Why do elephants have four feet? A. Because lady elephants have big twats. Q: What do elephants use for tampons? A: Sheep. Q: What do elephants use for condoms? A: Snakes. Q: What do elephants use for vibrators? A: Epileptic pigmies. Q: Why do elephants have long trunks? A: 'Cos sheep don't have strings. Q: How do you know when an elephant has its period? A: There is a quarter on your dresser and your mattress is missing. Q: What is an elephant's sex organ? A: His foot... If he steps on you you're FUCKED! Q: What do you call any elephant who is an expert on skin disorders? A: A pachydermatologist. Q: How do you stop an elephant from charging? A: Take away his credit card. Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a hooker? A: A two-ton pickup. Q: What did the female elephant say during sex? A: "Can I be on top this time?" Q: What did the elephant say to the nude man? A: Cute, but can you breathe through it?
The little puppy - One day there was a little puppy dog laying beside one of the rails on a railroad track. He fell asleep,and while he was sleeping his tail ended up on the rail, and by that time a train came along and cut off his tail,he look around to see what happen and the train cut off his head------ Do you know what the moral of the story is? Dont lose your head over a little piece of tail !!
Bzzzzz!! - What does a bee do with it's stinger before he goes to bed??? He put's it in his honey!!
Chicken and the Egg - So, the chicken and the egg were in bed, the chicken is sitting up, smoking a cigarette, and says "Well, I guess that answers THAT question!!!"
Crossed - What do you get when you put a Gay guy and a dinosaur together? A:> A MegasaurASS
Crossing - Question: Why did the hamster cross the road? Answer: Because it was stuck in the Chicken's ass!
Dinosaurs - Whats a lesbian dinosaur? A lickalotofpuss ! Whats a gay dinosaur? A lickdicknopuss !
FROG - What did one Lesbian frog say to the other Lesbian frog? You know what...we DO taste like chicken!
Have you Ever... - Have you ever smelled mothballs???? I was just wondering how you would get their little legs open!!!!
Lesbian Frogs - What did one lesbian frog say to the other lesbian frog? MMmmmm, tastes like chicken!
Lonely Cow in Field - Q: What do you call a cow in the middle of a field spanking his monkey? A: Beef Stroganoff
Mice in a lightbulb? - Q: How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: Two...but I don't know how they'd get in there!
Ms. Piggy Counts - Q: Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70? A: Because she has a frog in her throat at 69!
New dinosaur found! - Q: What do you get when you mix a dinosaur and a lesbian? A: A Lickalotapuss!
No Brakes - Did you ever hear about Blitzen the Brown nosed reindeer? He is twice as fast as Rudolf but doesn't stop as quick!
Pantyhose - Q. How many animals can you get into one pair of pantyhose? A. Several. Ten little piggies, two calves, many hares, one ass and a beaver!
Rooster and Peanut Butter - What do you get when you cross a rooster and peanut butter? A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth!
Skunks - What do you call a pair of skunks that are 69'ing? OdorEaters!!!